26- Have I Been Doing Motherhood All Wrong?

Have you ever looked back at your motherhood journey and wondered, "Have I been doing this all wrong?"

This week, I share how researching homeschool curriculum unexpectedly led me to a much deeper realization. I wasn't really searching for a better curriculum—I was searching for the vision I'd slowly lost along the way.

If you've ever felt stuck in survival mode, regretted past decisions, or wished you could get those years back, this episode is for you.

Because maybe those years weren't wasted at all.

Maybe God was using them to prepare you for what's next.

In this episode, we'll talk about:

•  Why we drift into "maintenance mode" 
•  The difference between surviving and living with vision 
•  How God uses every season—even the ones we wish we could change 
•  Why your past doesn't disqualify you—it gives you wisdom 
•  How to rediscover the vision God placed in your heart 

Scripture

•  Romans 8:28 
•  Matthew 28:16–20  

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Transcript

Episode 26: Have I Been Doing Motherhood All Wrong?

Have you ever looked back and wondered if you've been doing motherhood all wrong?

Or maybe you've caught yourself thinking, If I had just done things differently... or I wish I could get all those years back.

That's exactly where I found myself.

Surprisingly, it all started while I was researching homeschool curriculum. But what God showed me had almost nothing to do with homeschooling.

It was about vision.

And drift.

And the lie so many moms carry that somehow we've wasted years getting it all wrong.

If you've ever looked back with regret or wondered if you've missed it, I think this episode is going to bring you a whole lot of hope.

So, let's dive in.

Before we jump in, if you've been feeling stuck in motherhood or marriage and you're ready to stop just surviving and start moving forward again, I'd love to help.

My Moms & Marriage Coaching Session is a one-hour Zoom call where we'll uncover what's really keeping you stuck, work through it using my LEAD framework, and create one simple next step you can actually take.

You don't have to have everything figured out. Sometimes one conversation can completely change the direction you're heading.

You can learn more and book your session at faithfulmamarising.com/coaching. The link is also in the show notes.

Okey-dokey, Mama. Let's do this.

This last year in the Blackford household has been... a lot.

And when I say "a lot," I mean everything from hospital stays with near-death experiences, losing someone very close to our family, traveling, relaunching this podcast, all the things we're involved in at church, raising chickens—oh my goodness, the chickens!—homeschool planning, and so much more.

Looking back over this past year, it finally made me stop long enough to ask whether the way we were doing life was actually working.

The area I found myself focusing on was homeschooling.

As I looked back over the past few years with my girls, I realized I had started with this beautiful vision. I wanted homeschooling to create a lifelong love of learning. I wanted my girls to be curious—explorers of knowledge, people, and the world. I wanted it to be a bonding experience where we'd learn together and create memories along the way.

And yes... maybe even do a few crafts. Although, if you know me, you know crafting is definitely not my thing!

But somewhere along the way, that vision slowly changed.

Instead of pursuing a love of learning, we were simply working through curriculum. We'd gotten ahead, so suddenly it became about staying ahead. Everyone dreaded school—including me.

Without even realizing it, I had recreated public school inside our home.

And somewhere along the way...

I traded vision for maintenance.

As I sat with that thought, I realized this wasn't just true in homeschooling.

I could see it in my marriage.

In motherhood.

In business.

Even in my faith.

So I had to ask myself a difficult question:

Where did the vision go?

The answer wasn't complicated.

Life happened.

Pressure happened.

We drifted.

We stopped asking why and simply settled into maintenance mode.

I could even see it in my marriage.

Remember the episode where I talked about relationships slowly becoming more like business partnerships?

That's maintenance mode.

Originally, I sat down at my computer thinking I was just researching curriculum.

I was asking practical questions:

How is this going to fit into our budget?

How do I make this work for both girls?

And let me tell you—I had no idea how expensive homeschool curriculum could get!

But as I kept researching and digging deeper, I realized those weren't actually the questions I was asking.

The real questions were:

What kind of family are we building?

What kind of women are we raising?

What is homeschooling actually for?

That's when it hit me.

It wasn't that I was craving curriculum.

I was craving vision.

As I was working through all of this, I caught myself thinking,

"Man... I've spent so much time doing this wrong."

But...

I don't actually believe that's true anymore.

I think so many of us, especially as moms, ask ourselves questions like:

"What's wrong with me?"

"Why can't I get this right?"

Or maybe the hardest one of all...

"Why didn't I see this sooner?"

The problem is, those questions keep us stuck.

Instead of slowing down long enough to discover what's really going on, we drift.

We get busy.

We survive.

And somewhere along the way, we lose sight of the vision God originally placed in our hearts.

That doesn't mean we've failed.

It means we've been living.

Because we weren't wasting time.

We were being sharpened.

One thing I've learned is that God rarely wastes a season.

He repurposes it.

And yes, there may be grief.

Not because the years were wasted, but because you're letting go of a way of doing things that has become familiar.

That's different.

It's okay to grieve that.

When I first started researching homeschool curriculum, everyone already knew one thing had to change—math.

Three hours to finish two pages of math?

That wasn't working for anybody.

That decision was easy.

The harder decision was English.

The girls loved their English curriculum, and honestly, at first I wasn't sure we should change it.

But as I worked through everything God had been showing me, I realized something.

All of that time I had spent believing I'd been doing homeschooling the wrong way...

Had actually been preparing me.

Those years weren't wasted.

They taught me who my girls are.

They showed me how each of them learns.

They helped me recognize what works for our family—and what doesn't.

That experience became wisdom.

And now that wisdom has become a filter.

Instead of asking, "Will this work?" I found myself asking a completely different question:

"Does this move us toward the vision?"

So I took the English curriculum the girls loved and held it up against that filter.

Could it work?

Absolutely.

But that wasn't the question anymore.

The question was:

Does this move us toward the family culture we're trying to build?

When I compared it to the curriculum I was considering, the answer became crystal clear.

It wasn't about finding something that would simply work.

It was about finding something that aligned with the vision.

Suddenly, those years I thought I'd wasted became one of my greatest advantages.

Now I know what doesn't fit...

Because I've already lived it.

That isn't regret.

That's wisdom.

Romans 8:28 says:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

I love that verse because it says all things.

Not just the highlight reels.

Not just the victories.

Not just the moments we'd happily post on social media.

Even the messy parts.

The frustrating seasons.

The moments we'd love to erase.

God wasn't absent.

And He wasn't wasting that season.

He was preparing you.

He was building your character.

He was giving you insight that only comes from walking through the hard things.

So what were my girls really learning through all of this?

It wasn't just math.

It wasn't just English.

They were watching their mom learn that it's okay to change course.

It's okay to admit something isn't working.

We don't have to keep doing something simply because we've always done it that way.

Growth means making adjustments.

My life certainly hasn't been one perfectly straight path where nothing ever changes.

Life is constantly shifting.

Little changes happen every single day, and over time they add up.

If we aren't paying attention, that's when the drift happens.

But wisdom reminds us that adjustments aren't weakness.

They're growth.

You don't have to stay stuck simply because "that's how we've always done it."

And honestly...

I think that's one of the greatest lessons I could ever teach my girls. 

During all of this research and soul-searching, I opened my devotional, and it led me to Matthew 28:16–20.

It tells the story of the eleven disciples going to Galilee, where Jesus had told them to meet Him after His resurrection.

When they saw Him, they worshiped Him...

...but some of them doubted.

That detail stopped me in my tracks.

These weren't just names on a page.

These were real people.

People who had walked with Jesus, watched Him perform miracles, and promised they would never leave Him.

And yet, when everything fell apart, they were afraid.

They scattered.

Can you imagine what it must have felt like to walk back toward Jesus after that?

I can almost picture one of them thinking,

"Remember me? I'm the one who said I'd always follow You... and then I didn't."

There had to be fear.

There had to be doubt.

I can't help but imagine there was regret, too.

And yet...

Jesus still called them forward.

He didn't begin by reminding them of where they had failed.

He reminded them of their purpose.

He gave them their next assignment.

That hit me so deeply because I realized...

Jesus still called me forward.

And friend...

Jesus is still calling you forward.

Sometimes we think we need a brand-new vision from God.

But maybe...

Maybe we don't need a new vision at all.

Maybe we simply need to remember the one He gave us in the first place.

So maybe today you've been looking backward, thinking,

"I've done this all wrong."

Maybe you've drifted.

Maybe life got busy.

Or maybe you've been surviving for so long that you've forgotten why you started in the first place.

Mama...

That doesn't mean you've failed.

Maybe today is the day God reminds you of the vision He placed in your heart from the beginning.

Not so you can beat yourself up over the years behind you...

But so you can walk confidently into the years ahead.

It has taken me almost fifty years to learn this.

Oh goodness...

I hope my girls learn it a whole lot sooner than I did.

And maybe...

Today...

Is the day that you do too.

I hope this episode met you right where you are.

If it encouraged you, would you share it with another mama who might be feeling unseen or stuck in survival mode? You never know—you might be exactly what she needs today.

And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

Until then...

Go fold that laundry...

Or don't.

It'll still be there.

And I'll meet you right back here next time on Faithful Mama Rising.

Talk soon, Mama